still here

just to say i didnt forget about you...but there are some changes taking place in my life again...i will be back...sorry pumpkin...big kiss

p.s.- miss you:(

time....

more than three days now...without her face or her words...im not dying because of that but...it hurtes me more than it should...i think of her more than i thought i would...i worry...its funny...how we can spend weeks, months, years with some people and, dont feel a thing about them...and on the other hand, a few days with some other people can change a lot, can make us fear for them, pray for them, worry for them...you did that to me...in just a few days...because i liked you, because i believe you deserve more, you deserve better...but not even my words i can give you...
distance...is one of the worst things there is... it slowly kills every single feeling one might have...it slowly drives us to a place where everything is forgotten...a place of death and despair...a place where we are all alone...with no one to hold our hand...

ill try to be back as soon has possible, but for now its impossible to me... just know that i still miss you...and no matter the distance...im ALWAYS HOLDING YOUR HAND...

sweet kiss pumpkin:*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

im tired, im sad...and the internet cant seem to work right....there's nothing to do...
just wait...
and hope...i really miss her face..her words, her smile...so...lets hope...
hope she doesn't forget about me that fast...

the sun rises again...one more day is starting, one more without feelings, without flavour, without purpose...
im trying to forget what brought me to this situation...but..i think i already did..and now i cant do nothing, nothing to prevent the suffering, the pain, the feeling that none of my dreams will ever come true...

i feel like im alone, by the sea...the sun is setting but all i see is dark...altough the wind blows strong, i cant feel it on my cheeks...the sand turns to ash as i step on it...i cant hear the waves braking on the shore... even the water has no temperature...it dries right away in my hands...i want to feel...something...otherwise, all i am is a dead man walking...

...just a dead man walking...

We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby...

from - "Brad Paisley - Whiskey Lullaby (Featuring Alison Krauss)"

1. Gavin DeGraw - Belief...obrigado lux... fantastico...

Belief, makes things real.
Makes things feel, feel alright.
Belief, makes things true.
Things like you, you and I.

Tonight, you arrested my mind.
When you came to my defense.
With a knife in the shape of your mouth,
in the form of your body, with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me, Belief

Builds from scratch.
Doesn't have to relax, it doesn't need space.
Long live the queen and I'll be the king.
In the collar of grace.

Oh, tonight, you arrested my mind.
When you came to my defense.
With a knife in the shape of your mouth,
in the form of your body, with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me, belief.

I'm gonna yell it from the rooftops.
I'll wear a sign on my chest.
That's the least I can do, it's the least I can do.

Tonight, you arrested my mind.
When you came to my defense.
With a knife, in the shape of your mouth,
in the form of your body, with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
And I'll stand by my belief.

I will stand by mine... x2

belief...

like you stood by me, I wil l stand by mine, stand by my belief...

fuck...

sinto-me bem...apesar de nao ter dormido, sinto que "acordei"...isso é bom... tou farto de passar as horas a morrer, a sentir pena...quero mexer-me...lutar...mas tenho medo, ja me senti assim antes...nunca consigo agarrar o sentimento...a força desvanece e fico sem chao...(era isto o que sentia a meio da tarde de hoje, quando comecei a escrever este rascunho)...agora, à meia noite...tal como acontece como a cinderela...perdi nao o meu sapato, mas o meu rumo... porque tem de ser tao dificil?? nao percebo, ou nao quero perceber...sinto-me mesmo morto...que fiz eu com o tempo que me foi dado??? quase 23 anos...de nada, de vazio...a força que todos julgam que eu tenho deixou-me ha muito tempo atras...nao sou nada mais que um pobre, de alma e espirito..um palhaco que ri e faz rir apenas para alegrar os outros...sorrisos vazios, sao tudo o que eu tenho...foi tudo o que aprendi a fazer com mestria durante todos estes anos...fodasse...
começo a dar em doido com estas mudancas de humor constantes...comeco a achar que me metem nojo... como ja escrevi um dia: " o dia em que a morte vier, nao será benvindo, mas tao pouco renegado, será aceite, nao com tristeza, mas conformado pela alegria de deixar de sentir"

things i cant say...to the crazy girl...

hi...you know who i am...so there's no point in explaining. the questions is, who are you?
it shoul be something easy to see, to know, but...it isn't, don't ask me why, i don't know that either..enough with the things i dont know, wht i know is, im glad i saw you...im glad you answered me, glad you took the time...u should be asking yourself.."why the heck did this guy "glued" on me?" i want to give you an answer, but i dont have it...maybe it's just a consequence of the recent changes in my life, new city and all, left the friends behind...being alone...maybe it's the "who are you" question that keeps me around, maybe just the fate, and maybe it's nothing of what im saying...i dont know..i know i liked you, i know your smile calms me down...and for now thats just all i need, thats just enough... so, thank you...

(my smile for you)