living for the moment

time stopped a while ago...last thing i remember, i had just turned eighteen...i was happy..then suddenly everything changed..since then i feel like no smile of mine was real...ive been lying to myself for so long, that i just dont know what is real...one thing is for sure tough, the little kid that was always laughing and making others laugh, the little kid that was proud like no other, the kid that had dreams, the kid that would fight to the death to stand for what he believed, that kid died somewhere inside me when the time stopped... that kid died in me, and all i was, died with him...
im dead for 4 years and a half now...all i feel is indiference...i just dont care anymore...
the day in wich death will come, will not be celebrated, but neither will it be renegated..it will be accepted, not with sadness, with a smile instead, thanking heavens for giving me the joy, and the blessing of stop feeling...


p.s.- sorry for the absence my angel...but im not a good company right now. some day perhaps...for now, sorry...this word and a kiss is all i have...